Its 7 A.M. I am dancing around trees with my dream girl Amrita Rao when I am brought to earth by mom’s shrilling voice , “ Nalayak ! utho… school nahi jana hain..itna bada gadha ho gaya hain lekin phir bhi mujhe hi uthana parta hain”… Well the school actually is bank and I am an unfortunate bank employee/probationer. (Ma , please forgive me for replacing office with school). I long for the school days when I could bunk schools faking headache and stomach ache but then I grew up….. I considered sleeping again but discarded it taking into consideration Mom’s efforts in waking me up. The alarm clocks had .by then, already surrendered and called for truce .
I dragged myself from the bed, got hold of newspaper and a cup of coffee. Flipping over newspaper pages on one hand and a cup of hot steaming coffee in the another …. Well.. living with mom had its luxury and advantages. The clock soon raced to 8. I threw the newspaper and go to bathroom to finish the daily chores. I tried a few pappu steps and the mirror laughed at my zero pack abs . Realising that I was already behind schedule, I stopped staring at myself, re-resolved to wake up early and exercise. A few mugs here , there and everywhere and the whole exercise was completed in 5 minutes. I wondered when did I remain so efficient during the day????
Being a dandy, what to wear was one of the most dynamic decision that I had to take during the day. Whether the pink shirt would go well with a black trouser or should I stick to the conservative white shirt and blue pant????? I settled for pink shirt and blue trouser. ( I am straight ;) ). I combed my hair again and again in front of mirror to make sure that “everything was in place” and taking extra care to ensure that the white ones remained hidden. Deos were sprayed in generous proportion and Talcum powder applied all over the face thoroughly to give some element of “fairness” on my otherwise “dark features” and bingo… I was raring to go and take on the world.
PS- The talcum powder really works better than Fair & Lovely, Fair & Handsome and Fairever. Having spent a fortune on them, I am much wiser now )
The breakfast was done in a hurry and then I left for my school – Bank. The otherwise boring and monotonous office commuting was very adventurous for I had to cycle myself to station, catch a train, hop on a rickshaw, ride a boat , share an auto and then stroll for 5 minutes. All this in less than 1 hour. Despite the frantic activity, the journey used to be boring and a bit disappointing as I got to see very few pretty faces . The special efforts in dressing up always seemed to be going in vain and I used to wonder where were the dames gone??
9.45 A.M. and I had already reached office .The customary good mornings , smiles and greetings over, I settled on my seat. People say probation is like a Honeymoon period with no job responsibility and deadlines. And I was right in the middle of it. So with very little to do, I decided to spend my time by checking circulars ( a so called ‘pious’ habit which was supposed to be followed by everyone) but then other “priorities” used to abort my circular missions. For the record the other priorities were mails, FD Chat and IP Messenger. I was and still am one of the active user of these technology platforms provided for so called “business or workplace net working” and surely it did help me to spread my network. For I had already made number of friends many of whom I would never meet, yet they had become a part of my live. Meanwhile I was vigourously typing on the keyboards and smiling. A colleague came and remarked, “ Sir, how do you manage to smile in this otherwise boring banking”. With a “devilish” smile, I replied “Enjoy your work and always look around for fun”.
Meanwhile, my Branch Manager called me, asked me to sit down and ordered for a cup of tea. I sensed trouble. He started with problems at branch, things to do and to be done and kept on going…He seemed to be a great visionary and I was in a dilemma whether complimenting him would earn some brownie points in my Confidential Report. However I settled for short term gains and started shifting uncomfortably in my seat praying for the tea to arrive soon. The tea came and to my great “pleasure” the first sip made him nostalgic and he started recounting his early days of banking, his first assignments, his wonderful experiences and of course the numerous challenges he had faced , overcome and the wonderful things he had done. All over a cup of tea. Thank God coffee mugs had not reached my office yet. He finished his tea and stories simultaneously as if they had a pact. It was one way traffic ( one sided canon fire) for around 40 minutes. Hats off to his stamina. To be modest, I atleast deserved a gallantry award for hearing his “bhajans” and surviving this “weapons of mass destruction”. He then remarked “Face is an index of mind and your face shows intelligence”. I blushed, tried seeing my face in the glassy interiors and cursed myself for thinking so badly about him. And then he handed over a batch posting lists containing 562 items and asked me to complete it by evening. Child Labour, Child Exploitation. Human Rights violations, Bonded Labour !!!!! No one came to my rescue…. I should have remembered the age old saying “bakre ho halaal karne se pehle achi tarah se khilaya jaata hai”….. Wise People say that probation , despite being a honeymoon period, also involves hearing lots of BS and having to do lots of stupid and worthless things.
I came back to my seat and started working on the batch posting list. Meanwhile a beautiful girl came in the branch for internet banking. The girl was promptly directed to “Yours Truly”. Seeing her approaching, my face brightened, my eyes sparkled and I rubbed my fingers in delight. The girl came and asked me about internet banking. Without showing my pleasure, I politely asked her to sit down and began explaining the features of internet banking. She began looking into mine …I began looking into her eyes .. we both began looking into each other eyes…… And I started cursing myself and my job for having to concentrate on the features of internet banking when there were so many things to “concentrate” upon. Anyway business should not be mixed with pleasure, I came down from my day dreams and gave her the form for internet banking. Wish I could have given her a rose… I reprimanded myself for day dreaming again and came down to “business”. I asked about her mobile number, e mail ID and residential address for the purpose of “KYC” and promptly noted the same in a “register” specially maintained for this purpose. The girl left and I started thanking my job for it enabled me to know/enquire “all the relevant details” of any customer without arousing any suspicion. Inspired by one of my friend (name obviously not disclosed for security reasons), I had also started taking an extra photograph of the beautiful girls who came for account opening. I thanked RBI for stressing so much on “KYC”. By last count, 39 beautiful faces adorned my wallet. Thankfully, mom has the habit of “cleaning” Dad’s wallet.
Ohhh.. I Loved my Job…
As soon as the clock struck 2 O clock, the staff used to make a beeline for the canteen. The canteen was the liveliest place in the branch for here all the colleague used to sit together , had lunch and an adrenaline pumped session of adda as bengalis in general and my colleagues in particular had an opinion on everything. Despite being a compulsive foodie and on the heavier side, eating the lunch used to be my toughest assignments in the branch. The reason being the typical Bengali menu , rice and fish curry. And the fish used to be either hilsa/illish or chera pona , which for information purpose, have enough bones inside them to kill a healthy man. I had always struggled against fishes. My ENT doctor would testify that. So while the rest of the staff was debating on Mamata Banerjee-Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee- Ratan Tata & Nano, East Bengal- Mohun Bagan or Rabindrasangeet –Nazrul Geeti, I was busy separating bones from the fish and that too with both hands ( Eating fish using both hands is considered a crime in these parts and invites glances and stares ). I simply marvelled at my fellow colleagues’s fish eating ability i.e how they put the fish inside their mouth, chew them, separate the bones and take them out expertly. And at no point their animated participation in the ongoing debate between Bhaichung Bhutia’s injury (East Bengal ) and Jose Ramirez Barretto’s Goal ( Mohun Bagan) was compromised. I was witnessing a live demonstration of “Multi tasking”.
Productivity in Bank is measured by the amount of time you spent in the office not by the quantum of work you do during the day. So to be in the good books I had to remain in the office beyond 6 P.M. The only motivation for staying late being the garam samosa and the rasgullas that used to come sharply at 6.15 P.M. As soon as I had given the “attendance” ( gulped down rasgullas and finished samosa) , I used to slip off quietly. And again the same old “adventurous” journey back home.
As I lie down on my bed after a “hard day” , I wondered did I do anything worthwhile during the day. And the answer was a big NO. Guilt feelings started to crop up and I resolved to wake up early to go for jogging, cut down on my chatting etc etc but then the thought of Amrita Rao and her Bru’s coffee Add came into my mind. Gradually I began putting on my dancing shoes , taking her in my arms and singing “ Mujhe haq hain” and yes I had again started dancing around trees……
